Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
