we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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