hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
