just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
