New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
