3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize