quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
