When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
