My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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