Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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