I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize