I don't think brook has ever known best
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
