fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
