I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
