these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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