do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
