God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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