the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
