i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
