Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
