Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
