They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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