Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
