spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
