just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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