I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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