IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
