mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
