Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize