It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize