Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
