the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
