I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize