Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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