Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
