Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
