we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
