We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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