I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
