they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
