i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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