id be glad to
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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