White coat. Heels.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
