i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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