I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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