garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
