So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
