I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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