Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
