so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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